Overcome social anxiety with these top-tier self-help books.
I’ve read nearly every book on Social Anxiety, and thanks to those books, I can now:
- Go to networking events (alone)
- Attend workout classes without tearing up
- Go on bumble dates without feeling (too) nervous
- Introduce myself and make conversation with ease
- Go to parties without hiding in the bathroom (past me would be so proud)
Some books I’ve read have been feel-good and inspirational. Some of them have been life-changing. This list is full of the life-changing ones.
Best Social Anxiety Books
Some of the better social anxiety books are “The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook” by Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson and “Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety: Practical Techniques to Face Your Fears, Overcome Self-Doubt, and Thrive” by Alison McKleroy and “How to Be Yourself” by Ellen Henriksen.
But there are so many great, underrated social anxiety books that get less attention and have a life-changing impact.
Let’s go through the best social anxiety books full of actionable, science-backed insights:
1. Dating Without Fear by Thomas Smithyman
Okay, hear me out. This is probably the best book on social anxiety that I’ve read, but it doesn’t get enough clout because it’s advertised as a dating book.
My brand of social anxiety has never caused me dating anxiety (I know, I’m one of the lucky ones), but when I saw this book, I thought I’d give it a read just in case. It was beyond useful. You can use every lesson in this book elsewhere.
Two bangers from “Dating Without Fear: Overcome Social Anxiety and Connect”:
“Whatever we think the world is withholding from us, we are withholding from the world.”
“If you never show people your true self, you’ll never learn that your true self is acceptable.” 💀
2. Imagery-Enhanced CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder by Peter McEvoy
This is a textbook. It’s a little dense, but it’s life-changing.
This is the only social anxiety self-help book I have read that talks about how vital imagery is for recovery. If you’re not using imagery in self-treatment, you are missing a key piece of the puzzle. The imagery re-scripting technique blew my lil mind 🤯
A highlight from “Dating Without Fear: Overcome Social Anxiety and Connect”:
“So if we think about your social anxiety, the downside is that holding an image in mind of being rejected prior to going into a social situation can elicit the same feelings as actual rejection, and hence stop you from entering the social situation. But on the upside, if we can work together to develop more helpful images of being socially acceptable and competent, this can elicit the same feelings as actual social acceptance and competence, making you more inclined to give social situations a go.”
3. You Are Not Your Brain by Jeffrey M. Schwartz
Social anxiety, like OCD or generalised anxiety, is a mental habit loop 🤯. This book is about “starving” the brain circuits wired for unhelpful thinking. I use a slightly tweaked version of this method eeeeevery time I notice myself doing a social anxiety rumination routine:
A highlight from “You Are Not Your Brain“:
“Emotions should be felt and constructively dealt with because they honor your true needs and your true self, whereas emotional sensations should be Relabeled and Reframed with the Four Steps because they are destructive and false and cause you to act in ways that are not healthy or beneficial to you.”
4. Mindsight by Daniel Siegel
If you aren’t doing regular exteroceptive meditation and focused attention training and you have social anxiety, you are self-sabotaging. If you’re interested in that, I’ve written an article on The Best Meditations for Social Anxiety.
Social anxiety = self-focused. You think about yourself more than the average person. Not in a good, self-lovey kinda way – in a bad, ruminatey kinda way. You’re almost permanently stuck in your head. Exteroceptive meditation addresses that.
You’re probably also very fused with your thoughts. Focused attention training helps with that.
This book (and Daniel Siegel) has been a critical one for my journey towards developing a stronger external focused and loosening my grip on my socially anxious thoughts.
5. The Confidence Gap by Dr Russ Harris
A little ACT mixed with MCT has done wonders for the socially anxious wiring in my brain. This book focuses on the ACT side of things.
Two highlights from “The Confidence Gap”:
“The words inside our head are not a problem; the problem lies in the way we respond to them. In ACT we’re not too interested in whether those words are true or false; what we want to know is: are they helpful? If we allow these thoughts to guide our actions, will that work to make our lives richer and fuller?”
“Self-acceptance trumps self-esteem.”
6. The Five Keys to Mindful Communication by Susan Gillis Chapman
If you have social anxiety, you’re in your own head. A lot. Mindful listening is a tool you can use to get tf out of your head when you’re chit-chatting with someone new (or someone old but still scary).
The more you can immerse yourself in:
- the content of a conversation
- how you feel about what’s being said
The less social anxiety you will notice yourself experiencing. This book on mindful communication is a place to start for having more immersive conversations filled with deep listening.
7. Unwinding Anxiety by Dr Judson Brewer
Read this alongside the earlier recommendation: You Are Not Your Brain. It’s all about rewiring our neural patterns – including our socially anxious ones – so that they serve us.
Two highlights from “Unwinding Anxiety”:
“To change a behavior, you can’t just focus on the behavior itself. Instead, you have to address the felt experience of the rewards of that behavior.”
“So how do we update reward values and break worry, procrastination, and other bad habits? One simple thing: awareness.”
8. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
Developing self-compassion muscle is a core, undervalued part of overcoming social anxiety. If you aren’t convinced, you need to read this book. It also has the tools you need to build this muscle.
Two highlights from “Self-Compassion”:
“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”
“Painful feelings are, by their very nature, temporary. They will weaken over time as long as we don’t prolong or amplify them through resistance or avoidance. The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.”
9. Atomic Habits by James Clear
If you want to overcome social anxiety, you need to develop some strong anti-social anxiety habits. If you’re not sure WHAT habits you need to develop, you need to read this article:
The best meditations to retrain your social anxiety
Atomic Habits by James Clear is the best book to guide you on your journey towards developing consistent mental training habits for social anxiety.
A lot of these books recommend specific habits and practices that you should do daily or weekly on your journey towards overcoming social anxiety. Here are the articles that summarise these ideas:
5 thoughts on “The Best Books for Social Anxiety (Life-Changing)”